I wanted to learn to be more present from moment to moment in my life. I wanted more mental stability, to not fall into mental rabbit holes so often. I had heard of Vipassana meditation retreats and decided that would be a useful tool in staying mentally grounded.
Vipassana Retreat = Ten days + 100 hours of meditation + No talking
After day ten, I was driving back to my house and stopped for lunch. This was my first time being out in the “real world” after living in a meditation oasis.
While eating lunch I noticed beams of sunlight shooting through the trees, I noticed the grain of the wood on the table, I watched a single nat for several seconds. Things were definitely different, my level of focus and present-ness had vastly improved!
In Vipassana, they highly encourage that you keep up the practice when you go home. That entails meditating for two hours a day, one hour in the morning, one in the evening.
But immediately upon coming home I convinced myself that was too much and that I would cut those times in half.
Two hours turned to one, one hour turned to thirty minutes and soon days went by without meditating at all. My life started looking more like it had before I went to the retreat. The same neurotic patterns, getting swept away by impulses, not being present in my day-to-day life.
But watching my practice develop so deeply in ten days and then watching it melt away the following ten days was an important lesson for me.
Our lives are made up of the habits we do on a daily basis. We can’t eat healthy for a week and expect that to last a lifetime. Same with mediation, so I started rebuilding my practice and here’s what works well for me:
I meditate 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening.
Sometimes it’s longer but I’m focused on building a habit so I don’t want to stop myself from starting by making it too long. When my goal was 2 hours a day I could easily justify not having enough time and decide not to meditate at all rather than do a reduced amount of time.
Restarting my meditation practice has given me some space between external stimulus and my response to it. I am more in control of how I react to situations, which helps me stay focused on the things that actually matter.
If you’re a complete beginner to meditation, I’d advise you start with 5 minutes in the morning and five minutes in the evening. Just set a timer, sit down with a straight back, close your eyes, and don’t move until your timer goes off.
You may think: “Wait isn’t my mind supposed to clear? I’m sitting here and can barely stand all the thoughts racing through my head!”. Don’t worry about clearing your mind in the beginning, when you’re meditating for 5 minutes sessions, just focus on relaxing during those five minutes and being with yourself.
Thinking that you’ll have no thoughts when you start meditating is like watching a power lifter deadlift 600 lbs and thinking that you should be able to do that your first time. It takes practice, lots and lots of practice.
But just like you wouldn’t be upset that you can’t deadlift 600 lbs on your first day at the gym, don’t let being “bad” at meditation stop you from starting. Your goal isn’t to stop your thoughts, it’s to sit by yourself for 5 minutes everyday.
Like anything, you’ll get better at it the more you practice.
Regardless of your goals in life, meditation will help you.